B'Reishit--The earth was unformed/ astonishingly empty

"When God began creating heaven and earth..." "In the beginning of God's creating the heavens and earth... " "When God began to create heaven and earth..." (there. Now you know which three translations I have, LOL). From there one diverges drastically from the other two, which say "The earth being unformed and void, with darkness over the surface of the deep and a wind from God sweeping over the water..." The other translation reads, "...when the earth was astonishingly empty, with darkness upon the surface of the deep, and the Divine Presence hovered upon the surface of the waters." I think it's safe to stay away from literal translations here. To me, as dramatic and epic as the creation story is, I cannot believe that the world was created 5768 years ago. Torah is a moral guide, a compass to follow which helps me find my place in the world God created. So, yes, I believe God created the world. Everything set in motion by a divine hand.
It's said that Torah begins with the Hebrew letter Bet, which is open at the front but closed at the back as if to say, "Don't try to figure out what came before, look ahead," or "Don't try to prove that which cannot be proved."
Anyway, that is not what I want to get into. I'm much more intrigued by this unformed earth which was astonishingly empty and the darkness which covered it. I feel very close to this earth. I feel like I have been this earth as recently as three or four years ago. I feel like I am occasionally this earth even these days. I think I was this earth for about two weeks last month, actually. I think everyone goes through being dark and unformed. Some people never get out of it. For some people it takes many, many prescriptions to get out of it. A lot of people try their own "prescriptions" and just make it worse. Some of us are luckier, I suppose, and finally move onto the creation of light.
Three or four years ago, I was this earth and had been for about two and a half years. I was trying to get to the creation of light and sometimes succeeded for brief periods, but never really got out of it. It was a darkness I could feel, completely covering me, allowing no light or joy to penetrate it. As time went by, I was absolutely certain that I would never see the sun again. And really, there's nothing worse than knowing what you're missing. I had friends but it didn't seem to matter. I was always being coaxed out by one or another and I tried to put on a good show of enjoying myself. I had certainly given up going to Temple. Then, gradually, very gradually, over several months, I tried more and more things to get me out of it beyond just the marvellous cocktail of medications the doctor had given me. I really hated being on meds. I felt stupid for needing them. I felt like a total failure for needing them. One of the things I decided to do was read Torah again. I really love Torah study. There's so many layers to it...you learn something new every time you read it. I looked online to find out which parshah we were up to and dug back in. I wasn't ready to go to where others were also studying, but I was doing it. Then I bought a tallit, a prayer shawl. At that point I figured, well...I got a tallit just sitting there...kinda silly...ought to go somewhere and use it. It took me a year to finally go to a temple. Simchat Torah was on my birthday and I thought what a perfect time to go back! I did a search online for the closest synagogue to my apartment and that was it. I was going back among the Jews! Not long after that, I was off all the medications and remain so to this day.
So, I think what I am getting at is really obvious. We all go through periods where there is darkness over our depths; but the Divine Presence is always hovering over us. It may take more than 4 days for the sun to be created but it will come. In our morning prayers, we thank God for continuing the work of creation every day. Every day there's new stuff. Every day our bodies are creating new cells to replace dying ones. Within a year or so, our entire bodies have been re-created at a cellular level. We are constantly new but the same. Our entire bodies are a cycle with a new beginning; it's always the same and always new. Torah is always the same and always new. Each year, I am excited to start at the beginning again. Sure, I know Leviticus is going to arrive eventually, but I still enjoy it! LOL I always wonder "What am I going to see this time that I didn't see last time?"
Each year we come back to this unformed and astonishingly empty Earth and watch it sprout life. Messy, imperfect life which unfolds dramatically and often tragically. We sit around tables, chewing on bagels while chewing on text. This is one way we experience God: through the interaction, the "I and Thou" (which I have STILL not read!). Hopefully, our gathering is light for people in the dark who are still waiting for the Divine Presence, hovering over their surface, to break through.

After the earth was formed, a whole bunch of stuff happened, not the least of which being the first MURDER , people going forth and multiplying (heyyy...where did Cain find a wife??), then becoming base and unpleasant...except for Noah...wonder what HE's gonna do...

Oo-wee, that wasn't what I was expecting to write about at all! I thought, "Hmmm...Torah commentary...Rashi, Ramban, deconstruct, interpret, and elevate!" This was much more personal. But it's what struck me as I started thinking about what I was reading, and I think that's what we're supposed to do. Torah is about our people, yes, but it's also about us as individuals.
This is what Torah means to me.
Shalom!
Lev